So something this past week has changed in me. I dont know if its because of finding out about my knee, or the new people I've recently met, but it feels like a light has been dimmed in my heart... like turned on, but the lowest glow possible. And thats cool to me, because after talking and praying and thinking so much about this huge adventure God has created for my life I know that by the end the light will be shining with the brightest glow ever.
As I've told a few people already, I took this facebook quiz a few weeks ago, and The title was "how old do you act?" well I apparently act 43 years old. This bothers me only because my mother just turned 43 this month. And I've had to raise myself, I helped raised my sister for a good portion of her birth years and I've had to be "the counselor" to my mom and step father mediating fights and that was when I was between 12-15 years old.
I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've had my friends even tell me Laura your over due for some fun, lighten up your being too serious, I think a lot of it is due to stress of this big next step in my life as I move to a different country for a while, and the fact that I've had so many things happen this summer I just have felt like I cant have fun or be a kid anymore, that I'm almost 20 and need to "grow up" Well Im stoked that God took the initiative to give me some encouragement on the way to church this morning on 106.5 one of the guys said something along the line of "God says you need to have faith like a child and no one enters the kingdom who doesnt"
Not only that I forgot what I read exactly last night but it was in the bible while I was at this BFC [Boarders for Christ] bbq/bible study and it was about how God wants us to think and have faith like a child also. This made me happy. Im excited how the DTS will move this into my life by healing the old person and bringing in a new alive child, like being born again into new life. A new generation.
After church this morning I was talking to Livy [one of my mentors who has guided me through a lot] about how last night I had a conversation with Matt after the bible study. I told him about how I kind of feel like I've been dead my whole life, just enduring all of these things wondering when It will stop and I'll be able to heal from them, almost like Im carrying baggage.
While I was talking to Livy about it I got this analogy in my head, I'm carrying all of these suit cases, and I'm asking God "Lord when can I start giving away all of my "clothes"??" When can I start pouring out my life story and move on from it giving part of my testimony out to the ones who it is ment for [like giving them [what I feel is my old clothes] and to them a new outfit and leaving it with them to have a new outfit and "start new"] I'm trying to make this make sence...
But when I find someone who say, came from a broken family and they feel they have no hope, I share with them I came from a broken family look at how God changed me, I give them that new hope. They see that I have moved on from it and grown, so then they can move on and grow! there we go!
Sorry I'm excited I got the words for what was in my head. haha. Anyways yeah so there I am talking to Livy and just telling her I'm super stoked about what God is about to do in my life. How He is going to help me give away my clothes and empty out my baggage so that I can go through the world with just my tunic and the sandels on my feet [and surfboard]
But its cool also how I am going to go to YWAM with all my baggage and God is going to go through all of my clothes in my suitcase, and these I mean are old clothes, they have huge holes in them, and stains! And He is going to sew them all up! and Bleach them! and make them new again! So that when they are all sewn up, [and I am cleaned up] He will send me out on my mission and I will be able to go to the people who have old clothes [hurt and sorrow and no hope] and even though I had these clothes that to me were old, I give them out and to the people that recieve them they have gotten brand new clothes! A brand new hope.
They see how God has healed my heart and made it new and they can therefore ask Jesus to come and clean up their hearts and make them new again too starting with these new clothes a new faith.
And this analogy I think started with what Matt was saying last night at the biblestudy, about the mustard seed and mustard. If you spill mustard on your shirt good luck trying to get it out, you might as well just throw it away and buy a new shirt because its a hard stain to get out. Well if we spread out mustard seeds they also although the smallest seed, and grow into the largest, strongest tree.
Us as Christians start out small and weak, longing to grow but it takes so much time to get to where God wants us because He wants us to empty out our suitcases and allow him to wash and sew up our clothes! and even though we make mistakes and rip our new jeans again and we are sad and scared our parents will get mad, He lets us know He is sitting there just like a mother saying "oh honey you ripped your new jeans, its ok Let me sew them back up for you, dont be upset" Then we get back up and go outside again to play, or go out into the world and start a new day. No matter what God is there and just like Pam said last night too, its like grated flour, once you pour it out on something it latches to whats there, Once you have God he embedds Himself into your life no matter where your at or what your going through He is there for you to cry too, hug, bandage and sew up.
Anyways this is a lot of learning this weekend. and Im genuinly happy about whats moving in my life. In Matts words, I have some great vibes going on :) and can see that God's going to move in some mighty ways.
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